On the Road Again – Tips for Avoiding “Are We There Yet?”

Printed in the Family Post: Summer Issue 2006

by Lindsay Dunckel, Ph.D.

When I was little, family vacations went like this: my parents would put down the back seat of the station wagon, cover it with foam, throw the kids in, and take off on a road trip—up to Oregon, over to the Grand Canyon.  My dad even made us a mylar sunscreen, since we had no air conditioning.  Those trips make up some of my fondest memories from childhood: my mom reading out loud to us, playing cards with my brother, watching the world roll by outside the window.  And when we traveled on an airplane, everyone got dressed up—remember that?  It was considered a privilege and special occasion to go on an airplane.  And the kids got little activity packets to keep them busy on the flight, along with those captain’s wings that pinned on.

Things have changed: today’s children ride strapped into car seats or booster seats until they reach six years or 60 pounds (although 8 years and 80 pounds is a safer cut-off, or when a child’s knees bend naturally over the edge of the seat and the seatbelt fits across the lap and not the tummy); on an airplane, we’re crammed in like cattle and people roll their eyes when they see you have children with you.  I haven’t seen a pair of captain’s wings in years.  The essence of the family vacation has remained the same: parents and children getting a chance to bond, build memories, and enjoy one another while seeing family or exploring someplace new.  Read on to find some ways to enhance the enjoyment, and cut down on the hassles, of getting there.

Preparing for the Trip

Kids remember events best when they talk about it before it happens—so talk up that vacation!  Talking about it ahead of time also helps kids know what to expect, and this helps them deal with the many transitions and changes they will have to make while you are away.  If you are going to visit family, bring out some pictures and show the kids who it is they are going to see.  Talk about where everyone will sleep each night and what you will do and see on your trip.  If you will be traveling to a new place, find pictures of the area to show your kids: they can begin to imagine what it will be like.  All of this talking and planning is great for their language development, too, as well as their growing sense of time and distance.  And talking about Great Uncle Bob before you visit him can sometimes help avoid those embarrassing moments when you first see a relative and your child clings to you in outright fear.

The other part of preparing for a trip is getting ready for the time your child will spend strapped in.  Enlist your kids’ help in thinking up fun things to do in small spaces: this gets them excited about the trip and gets them thinking realistically about the fact that they will be sitting for a number of hours.  The more mentally and physically prepared kids are for this, the easier it will be on all of you!  Then make an investment in a back-of-the-seat organizer (available at auto parts stores) with lots of pockets, one for each child.  Fill it with markers (crayons melt!), paper, stickers, activity books (mazes, dot-to-dot, magic pen, coloring books), picture books, paper dolls, small plastic animals or figures, magnetic toys, travel games, and the like.  If you are traveling by plane, buy a backpack and fill it with the same kinds of things.  A ball of play dough, a mini rolling pin, and some plastic cookie cutters once got me halfway across the country on a plane when my daughter was two years old.  You can find lots of travel-sized versions of popular board games at toy stores, so find one or two that your child will like.  Look for little, hand-held toys there, too, the sort of thing you would find in a party bag—those animals that collapse when you press in the base, games with a ball that rolls into holes, water-filled games where you press a button to move the water and send things floating around.  Your children can pick some of these out, or you can surprise them, but put them away until trip time because they don’t hold interest for too long.  You might also think about having some in reserve that you dole out across the hours, when kids start to get restless.

On the Road

Many cars come with DVD players these days, and airplane seats often have a personal TV for each seat, allowing the viewer to choose what to watch.  But keep in mind that television and movies are stimulating to children: in the end, they will make the children MORE restless.  So what else can you do?

At the beginning of the trip, children will be very excited about their goody bags stuffed full of things to do.  That will get you started.  But I suggest that you mix things up a little, so that there is some interaction, some time to play quietly, and some time to be entertained.  Depending how long your trip is, keep cycling through different activities.  If you change what’s going on before the whining starts, you can often head it off altogether.  When traveling in a car, plan on stopping every two hours for a little break.  A chance to stretch little legs at a rest stop can also help ward off the whines.  Put a ball in an easy-to-get-to spot so you can pull it out when you stop—it will help motivate tired kids to move their bodies a little, and that will make them feel better.

For interaction time, try making a list with your spouse and older children of all the games you’ve played on car trips: I Spy, Twenty Questions, the alphabet game where you try to spot all the letters in order on signs you are passing.  You can tell group stories, where each person says one sentence.  Retelling classic stories, like fairy tales, is a great way to pass the time.  Children like to hear stories about themselves, too.  Tell stories about when they were younger and they will be enthralled (just last weekend, my 10-year-old daughter asked me to do this on our way home from my cousin’s house, so the appeal seems never to end).  Hearing stories about themselves, about you, about your family is also great for kids’ self esteem and their growing sense of self and family.

Don’t forget about singing!  I once kept my children from killing each other during a horrible traffic jam on Interstate 80 by teaching them the nonsense song “Sarasponda.”  By the time we finally reached my parents’ house, we could sing it in a three-part round.  Singing is a time-honored road trip activity, and it doesn’t matter what your voice is like—kids don’t notice!  So teach them old camp songs, television theme songs, Beatles songs, songs you sang in the school chorus twenty years ago.  If you don’t remember any lyrics, get a book at the library or download them from the internet.  But this is one activity you might want to skip if traveling by plane.

Finally, the ace up my sleeve: books on tape (or CD).  They are free at the library and the collection has something for everyone.  If you want to own your own, check out Chinaberry Books (chinaberry.com) which has a selection of top-quality tapes that are sure to please.  Jim Weiss is a storyteller who has captivated all members of my family for many years.  His short tapes are a good intro to books on tape; older children will be ready to listen to chapter books.  Books on tape give everyone a break from interacting.  They let you stare out the window at the passing scenery while being fully entertained.  They provide a flight of fancy for everyone while requiring us to use our imaginations, so they don’t induce the restlessness of TV or movies.  Take a whole collection with you—that way if you don’t like one, or aren’t in the mood for one, you have other options.  Do look at how long they are, it’s listed on the back.  A long chapter book can run 6 or more hours, so don’t get one that’s way too long for your round trip.

With a little preparation ahead of time, both mental and physical, your family can enjoy the “getting there” almost as much as the “being there.”  So dig into your memory for songs and games, start talking with your children about the trip, check out some books on tape, pack your goody bag, and prepare for fun! 

Lindsay Dunckel, Ph.D. and Grass Valley mother of two, is the Program Coordinator for Parent Support and Education for First 5 Nevada County.