Published in the Family Post Holiday 2002

Contributed by Susan Rogers

What are you buying the kids this Christmas? Will your gifts help children learn positive social skills, or will they - without your even realizing it - teach that fighting is the way to solve problems?

Your choices make a difference for your children. The Lion & Lamb Project, a non-profit organization that helps parents, industry and government officials recognize that violence is not child's play, provided the following helpful information.

All young children have difficulty separating fact from fantasy. Children learn through play, and they learn by example. The toy industry knows that.

Toys and Play, a publication from the Toy Manufacturers of America, states that play is "the way children learn about themselves, their environment, and the people around them . . . Learning to cooperate, negotiate, take turns, and play by the rules are all important skills learned in early games. It is through imaginative play that the child begins to learn some of the roles and behaviors of society."

What social roles and behaviors do you want your child to learn? How do you decide what's violent and what's not?

It can be very hard for parents to find toys that don't glorify violence - toys that, instead, help children use their imagination and creativity. Wrestling "action figures," toy guns, violent video games, and war toys are not appropriate forms of children's entertainment.

A violent toy is a toy that . . .

. Promotes violence and aggression as the best way to settle disputes

. Depicts violent actions as fun, harmless, and "cool"

. Encourages children to act out aggressive scenarios

. Fosters aggressive competition

. Depends on "enemies" that need to be "destroyed" by children.

A nonviolent toy is a toy that . . .

. Encourages children to build and create rather than to destroy

. Stimulates creativity and imaginative play

. Promotes cooperation and problem-solving among children

. Is open-ended and encourages children to create their own scenarios, rather than re-enact television plots

. Promotes learning of new skills and helps children develop their own talents.

Every year, The Lion and the Lamb Project picks "20 Toys That Transform Children's War Chests Into Toy Chests." They not only describe the toy, they tell you why they chose it. Their list for this holiday season is not out yet, but here's an example from last year:

Don't Make Me Laugh, Jr., The Lolo Fun Company, $22. Recommended Age: 5+. Description: A board game that relies on charades to get to the finish line. Why we chose it: We selected this game because everybody needs more laughter in their lives. Players act out scenarios, play charades, and wear a red clown nose to make others laugh as they try to be the first player to go from "The Little Chuckle" to "The Big Guffaw." www.lolofun.com

Susan Rogers is a writer, speaker and media literacy educator in Grass Valley. Contact her at susan@medialiteracy.com or 271-1311