Printed in The Family Post: Winter Issue 2004
By Shelly Farr Biswell
In one week my daughters and I will follow my husband to
Wellington, New Zealand. I blame Pa Ingalls for this dalliance
in our life. You see, last year when I started reading the
Little House on the Prairie series to my daughters I noticed
something in the books that all my readings before had never
illuminated. There in black and white, night after night,
I realized that Pa had true wanderlust. Laura Ingalls Wilder’s
stories may show one family’s ability to create a
sense of home in the wilds of the western United States,
but as I read the series to my daughters it became apparent
to me that Pa always wanted to know what was around the
bend.
Of course, in the books the Ingalls family does finally
settle down in South Dakota. Pa makes a commitment to Ma
that they’ll stop moving westward so that their daughters
can attend school. Ma’s dream is quieter in the book,
but there is a sense of respect in their family that allows
room for everyone to dream. Family members also show a spirit
of cooperation that helps each person realize their dream.
Inspiring. I began to think about the pioneer spirit in
my own family. I reminisced about my parent’s decision
to move us from California to Wyoming when I was six and
my brother was four. The hardship they faced financially,
and the risk they took moving away from all our immediate
family. They did it so that they could both attend college.
My dad dreamed of being a teacher, and my mom dreamed of
completing a degree after dropping out of Stanford. A scholarship
student, she hadn’t been able to take the pressure
of being poor in a rich kid’s world right out of high
school. Wyoming was a second chance for both my parents.
Now that I look back, I see the gamble my parents took,
and I am thankful that they were tenacious enough to just
do it.
Fulfilling a dream is challenging enough, doing it as a
parent can seem untenable. And yet, what do our children
learn when we step out of our comfort zone and embrace our
destiny? It is big. In fact, I believe it is the stuff family
stories and myths are made of.
I think of Rita and Patrick Fuenzalida, who dreamed of owning
their own business, and recently bought Java John’s.
Both Rita and Patrick, and their three sons, are invested
in making this family business a success. Rita realized
right off that their family dynamics were changing. She
says, “In our case, my kids could no longer look at
me as just their mom. I’m now their boss. By the same
token, I could no longer take them for granted in the same
way that I might have before we purchased this business.
We all depend on each other for our livelihood now. The
process has definitely strengthened our trust in and respect
for each other.”
It’s tough finding a balance in our family life between
day-to-day necessities and discussing what seemingly crazy
notions we hold in our heart. I’m not talking about
looking at your dreams like New Year’s resolutions—a
list to be checked off. I’m talking about the importance
of sharing your greatest passions with the ones you love.
Heather and Mark Grove have three young children, and little
free time. One of the qualities that initially drew them
to each other was their love for music. But kids, bills,
and life kept getting in the way of pursuing their joy in
music together. This past year they decided to change that.
They managed to carve out time to play their music together.
That decision has affected how their kids operate too. All
three kids had always shown an interest in music, but now
they truly share in their parent’s enjoyment. In fact,
four year-old son Noah’s eyes light up at the mere
mention of playing the violin.
“Following your dreams can be very painful too,”
Heather says. “I’m not saying that as a deterrent,
but it’s important to recognize it right up front.
There were things that held me back from pursuing my dreams
all these years, and many of those issues resurfaced when
I made a commitment to make music a priority in my life.
Insecurities, fear of rejection, and following your passion
puts you in a vulnerable position. But I can say unequivocally
that it has all been worth it. Facing those feelings has
taken me to unexpected places. It is part of the journey.”
Melinda Solis-Day, who traveled with her two children and
husband for 8 months on a 40’ sailboat aptly named
Daydreams in 2003, and is planning another trip for next
fall says “Family support is critical. To take time
in our life to sail for months at a time, we had to work
as a family. We had to make compromises. Our kids had to
literally be on board. My husband, Joe, and I knew this
was something we wanted to do. After all, we got married
on a sailboat. Still, it had to be something that the kids
wanted to do too.”
Melinda adds, “What’s been interesting to me
is to see that now our kids, Jacquelyn and Joseph, are voicing
their dreams. They have places they want to go, dream boats
that they want to build, and as a parent it is exciting
to witness.”
Part of realizing a dream is accepting sacrifice too. “We’re
not getting ahead financially by sailing right now,”
states Melinda, “but to us, the trade-off of spending
this time with each other is worth it.”
There is a Chinese proverb that states that parents should
provide their children with roots and wings. As I look at
the choices Ken and I are making right now, I hope that
is what we are doing for our daughters. And what I realize
is that so many parents I have met in Nevada County are
working to provide their children with just that, roots
and wings—dreams and the fortitude to follow through
on them.
In my own dreams I am torn. I love it here, but I’m
a bit like Pa Ingalls. I want to know what might be around
the bend. For me, it is almost easier to leave a place when
I know I still call it home in my heart. After all, my husband,
my daughters, and I have other dreams too, and no one knows
where the road may lead. Hopefully, this adventure will
help make us stronger as a family and as individuals. And
I hope it makes us more capable of sharing what lies within
our hearts with each other.
Shelly Farr Biswell now lives with her family in Wellington,
New Zealand. She can be reached at shelly@biswell.net.
Additional Reading:
‘Finding Your Own North Star' by Martha Beck
‘Tales of a Female Nomad: Living at Large in the World’
by Rita Golden Gelman
‘Curve of Time’ by Muriel Wylie Blanchet
