FAMILY MEALS: A Lot More Than Good Nutrition

By Lindsay Dunckel

Printed in The Family Post: Fall Issue 2004

Because I had warm memories of family dinners from my childhood, I wanted to recreate that with my husband and children. I wasn’t sure what age would be appropriate to start, but noticed when my daughter was a young toddler that she ate more when we sat down and ate with her; with this, a tradition was born. When my son could sit up, we sat him at the table in a clip-on seat and his initial contribution to family mealtime was banging a spoon while we talked. Today, most of what I know about my kids’ lives I learn at the dinner table. And while we aren’t all home every evening, those of us who are try to light the candles, put on music, and relax together around the table.

Although most of us list it as a priority, fewer than half of families sit down together every day to share a meal. Family life today is complicated by parents’ work schedules, evening meetings, and kids’ busy schedules, not to mention the distractions of TV, computers, and telephones; family meals have fallen by the wayside. But research about the benefits of eating together as a family may make us pause and reconsider our priorities.

Children in families who eat together regularly learn about manners, family traditions, and spiritual beliefs, all things which will sustain them in adulthood. They are more likely to get their full 5 servings of fruits and vegetables and to eat more nutritious food overall. But beyond those obvious links, children in families who eat together regularly do better in school, get along better with their peers, and have fewer behavioral problems. Talking together over a meal increases children’s vocabulary which helps with school work. Family conversation also teaches turn-taking and problem solving, which help kids play well with others. The bonding that happens between parents and children over family meals can lead to a higher level of cooperation from the children, as well as a better understanding by parents of the children’s needs. These things can contribute to a lower level of behavior problems. Young children like to eat with their parents. It gives them a sense of belonging, especially if they contribute to the meal by helping, such as setting the table or helping to prepare the food.

If you establish a family meal tradition now, your children will benefit when they are teens. Teens in families that eat together usually do better in school, are less likely to become involved in drugs and alcohol, and are less likely to suffer from depression. What is served for dinner is less important than the family bonding time, the time to check in with kids about what’s going on in their lives, and to share what’s going on in your life with them.

At a time when we are becoming more and more concerned with childhood nutrition, family meals offer an easy and economical way to address these concerns. Research has shown that families who eat together eat less fried food and drink less soda pop, and children of these families have been shown to have diets higher in many nutrients. Children who eat with their parents are more likely to be exposed to a variety of foods and to show an increased knowledge of nutrition.

Some parents complain that family meals are stressful. Children are messy, the family fights, and no one wants to eat what you’ve cooked. If these sound like some of your concerns, take a look at these tips for making meals more enjoyable:

• Make mealtime pleasant. Check in with one another about your day and leave the lectures and “you should haves” for another time.
• Don’t force anyone to eat. Simply provide a variety of nutritious foods and let your child choose what and how much to eat. If children only have nutritious food to choose from, hunger will eventually win out. For picky eaters, make sure there is something on the plate you know they like, even if it is only a slice of whole wheat bread or some yogurt or fruit.
• Serve new foods several times—some children need to see and taste a new food up to 10 times before they are willing to eat it.
• Keep your child’s age in mind. Don’t ask a 3-year-old to sit at the table for more than 10 minutes. As she gets older, she will join you for longer meals. With the littlest children, you are setting a precedent, an expectation for them to grow into. Expect that young children will make a mess. This too will get better with time.
• Put on some good music and light some candles to help create a pleasant atmosphere. Think up some things to talk about before you sit down.
• Keep the meals simple, saving elaborate cooking for special occasions or when you have lots of time. If the meals are easy to prepare, you are more likely to have family meals more often and less likely to be offended when your children don’t eat what you’ve cooked.
• Have your kids help plan the menus. When kids are involved in the process, they are more likely to eat what you serve.

Family meals will create lasting memories for all of you, and your children will likely carry on the tradition with their own children one day. Take time to plan some evenings together. Mark them on the calendar, and think of it as a gift to the future, a connectedness that will bring your family joy and will help you through the hard times.

Lindsay Dunckel, Ph.D. and Grass Valley mother of two, is the Program Coordinator for Parent Support and Education for First 5 Nevada County.